4.11.2010

Regret.

I dont want to regret anything I do in life. Then again they say all that happens ; happens for a reason. Better to regret ; then to fake through life ? right ?

I have been dealing with a lot lately ; to the point where I cant sleep at night - crazy anxiety attacks that keep me up every single night. & mornings where my head hurts so much from just thinking way too much on too many things. You would think work & school can keep me busy - but it still manages to break into my brain. Something is telling me that I need to forget about making decisions .....and instead focus on me. For the first time just do everything for ME ; and nothing else. Do what I gotta do and learn to love myself more. Take myself out; romance myself. I dont think I have been giving my self that love that I deserve to give myself. Sure its great to have a boyfriend that loves me ; romances me ; and treats me like a princess......but whats the point if I cannot do that for MYSELF ?

It makes me want to drop it all ; be selfish && be in a relationship with me myself & I. But I feel letting go of what I have now will be marked as one of the most BIGGEST mistakes of my life.....like it will hurt me more than I have been hurting trying to make the decision itself...if that makes any sense ; Lol.

What to do ; What to do.
Cant I just invent a time machine & go back to when I was 8 years old playing with barbies && I changed my name to sporty spice? SIGH.

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