I have this really BAD habit of thinking ...WAYYYYYY too much , over analyze things to a very big extent. I hate it and I try not to but its tough when I'm so used to it. SO I am officially back on the "dating scene" LOL. Ive been going on a couple "dates" with guys that I guess you can say I have a somewhat interest in. I'm just getting to know them a little better. I'm aiming for someone different than my usual ...but there are many that I can talk to and just think to myself " damn this seems so familiar" LOL. So now that I'm back on the dating scene, I caught myself re-reading my books " Hes just not that into you " and also " Why men love bitches ". =/ I honestly don't know if its a good thing or bad , like I wanted to start reading them again because I have had issues before where I have given myself to a guy way to easily and way too quickly. Most guys take my kindness, as weakness. Ive toughened up a lot .....maybe way too much. I give off a " I don't need you "attitude...and trust me they notice it. I hear it a lot, like DAMN jess why are you so mean? Why did you have to say it like that? Its hard for me to give myself to someone now...I hate looking or sounding like a go hard , so I will not call the guy till he calls me, I will not initiate plans till he says he wants to see me. I then find myself thinking is this part of me playing " the game"? I hate playing games , i hate having to figure out if the person likes you or if its going to become something more....but am I adding to that? I want to get right to the point , I don't want to waste my time wondering ..hmm does that mean he likes me ...or he didn't call maybe he doesn't like me anymore. I feel like I no longer have the patience for it. If I let go, and just show him that I'm feeling him, call him whenever I feel like it ...How will I know that he wont think I'm going hard? I need to learn to care; I think I need to let myself go , and show my feelings more. Maybe it did not work out with every other guy ...but who knows if these will be a lot different. If I don't want him playing games with me , then I guess I shouldn't play them with him either right?
Reminds me of the quote from the movie He's just not that into you - "I may dissect each little thing and put myself out there so much but at least that means that I still care. Oh! You've think you won because women are expendable to you. You may not get hurt or make an ass of yourself that way but you don't fall in love that way either. You have not won. You're alone. I may do a lot of stupid shit but I'm still a lot closer to love than you are. " _ Gigi.
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