I am officially 1/2 way through my pregnancy @ 20 Weeks ! The boyfriend & I went to find out the sex of the baby on Thursday morning ....It is a beautiful baby boy ! We had picked out the name a whille ago , and he will be named Jace. (NO I did not get it from teen mom -_- ! I just found out theres a baby on the show with the same name, but its okay because my baby will be better ! Lol I chose the name for its meaning which in greek it means Healer,its also a variant short form for Jason which stands for "the Lord is my salvation".
I have a really hard time sleeping now that he is up and moving all the time, I feel him kicking and moving all the time , randomly as im falling into deep sleep on the train he will give me a good kick to wake me up. Lol. Its an unexplainable feeling to just feel a tiny little foot push up on your belly.
I never expected to be a mommy any time soon , but I am happy I am. I had a bad feeling I was not able to concieve ,due to certain health issues...so this just makes me the happiest person ever.
I feel God put me through trials and tribulations before to test & see if I was ready for this to be put in my life. I was put in a situation where I had to basically help raise my baby brother, at the age of 14. I gained so much patience and love for children during that time.
Then my father got remarried and had Baby Lucas in September of 2009. I grew so attached to him, and spend many days with him where I lost sleep bathing him, feeding him, etc. But I loved every single second of it. I would keep myself up just to stare at him sleep, and I think God saw how ready & how happy it would make me ..that he felt it was that time for me. I know I will be an amazing mother, because I know the difference.
I know that giving birth is not what makes you a mother. You really have to work for that title. You have to be a mother through actions & words. You cant just call yourself a mother..you have to really be one, no acting necessary.
I know I will love him beyond words, because I did the minute I saw those two pink lines on the pregnancy test. Also because he was concieved in love. I am inlove with Jace's father, and I am very lucky to know & feel that he is as inlove with me also. Call me crazy - but I believe that will just never change. From the minute I found out I was pregnant, our bond has grown SO much. I dont claim to have a perfect relationship - because thats just impossible. But I was very blessed to have found someone that loves all of me , even my flaws. I found someone that throws his pride to the side, and was capable to help me do the same. Ive never been in such a mature, and unconditionally loving relationship , as I am now. A man that has no shame holding my purse for me, I dont know about you but thats a keeper to me. Lol. He would do just about anything to make me happy, and thats how I know he will be an amazing father to Jace.
I am currently planning my babyshower, with the help of my cousins & my mother. I am pretty set on the theme, but I guess we will see. I have decided to go with photo invitations, which one of my great friends will be doing a photoshoot to use two of the photos for the invites. I also asked one of my good friends that makes her own collage journals to makes me one for Jace. A journal in which I will keep to write letters to Jace, day by day - even after he is born - so that when he gets older he can read them on his own. I will soon be working on a scrapbook with all my belly pictures :)
Pregnancy life has so far been good, besides the horrible symptoms , the moodyness - and urges to breakdown and cry for no real reason. Lol. I just keep reminding myself its the hormones and I must relax , no time to stress !
I will keep you guys updated once again, real soon !!!
Posted by gor(jess). @ 3:01 AM