liars suck.

I haven't posted in a while ; so sorry guys for that. But QUESTION : Why do men find it hard to tell the truth? WHY must they lie , even about the smallest things. Like what harm is it going to be to tell the truth? So your not going to get ass; and you'll probably get dumped ...LOL , but why not just be a man about things? I got to thinking about a relationship I was in last summer. This guy was a sweetheart; he did just about anything I would want a boyfriend to do. Brang me food late at night; took me to work; introduced me to his family; woke me up every morning with a " good morning babe; have a nice day today" ; spent hours on the phone with me when he was not able to see me ..heck he did it all. I felt like the most special girl in the world & I thought my boyfriend was the SHIT. Till one night --- I receive a message from some chick on myspace saying " Why did you change my boyfriends myspace ; he told me you hacked on to his page and put yourself on his top and uploaded old pictures of you and him...stop being a physco bitch and hop off my man " I was dumbfounded like ARE YOU SERIOUS? I gave him the benefit of the doubt thinking maybe shes fucking physcotic and wants to start shit so we can break up right? WRONG. I tell him what I received without spazzing out , to think hed explain it to me....but um he said he was too busy at the moment to talk about it. why was he busy? Because he was out with his boys at a lounge. REALLY? lol.. when all the while when we were together I would ask him " ohh; so that girl that commented you that's just your homegirl? " --yeah baby i dont even chill with her anymore though. BULLSHIT, it was his "girlfriend number two" . THEN I also come to find out he was still talking to his ex on the side; why ? because she got a message from the same chick too; but luckily she was more mature then physco bitch. HONESTLY, I dont understand why all the lies; and all the games. I used to mess with him and be like listen we can have an open relationship if you'd like cus I know its been a while since you been in one. JUST to see what he would say; but really that was his get out of jail free card RIGHT THERE. Lol. I dont know -- the funniest thing about the situation is he one day after a while requested me on facebook, and I realize he even lied to me about his last name? LMAO. I was dying of laughter when I seen that one. During our relationship he lied about living alone ( Which he knew Id find out when I met his parents? IDK) and he lied about his job ( Which I found out about when he asked me to PICK HIM UP from work one day? ) I really dont understand why men lie at all. It urks me that you can think your in this amazing relationship; and he truly cares and then you come to find out it was all a bullshit joke.

when do men mature ?

I used to have this thing with dating younger guys, I don't know why ...but I felt they were more into having a relationship. I guess since they were new to it and what not. It turned out though that after being together for a few months they would realize " damn I'm too young, fuck that " LOL , which I completely understand. But then when I started dating dudes around the ages of 23-25 it was the same shit. All they want to do is party, get drunk, and chase after as many girls as they can ... like there in competition with there boys. So its like when do they mature? When is the right age when a man will finally wake up and be like " HMM, maybe I should take a girl seriously ". Sadly many men think the same so when they are around a whole bunch of guy friends that think that way they get sucked into thinking that way also. I have a few guys that i've met that were interested in the idea of being in a committed relationship, then have there minds changed because it was not " the cool thing " and start thinking that just because they get into a relationship there social life is over. Honestly I wish guys knew how simple us girls are. I want a relationship right? But I would never drop my life for a man; so I wouldn't expect him to either. Go out clubbing with your boys, have guy nights, talk to your home girls, don't worry you DON'T have to call me every single minute of your life. I'm not the kind of girl that asks for much out of a boyfriend , I guess because i've become way too accustomed to being alone, that I don't need all that attention from a guy...I can go days without seeing the guy I'm with. I would never tie someone down, or go through there business ...I mean isn't a relationship based on trust? I'm not going to get all physco on him just because hes now my "boyfriend". I would give him the same respect and space I would want back. But guys just don't get that , they see it as there lives are over after getting a girlfriend. Maybe because most girls make it seem that way, I don't know. Which leads me to ...the reason why I'm such a bitch with men. LOL. I admit I can come off very stand offish , and I am harsh ...but very truthful ( the truth hurts ! ). But its because of the way guys carry themselves ... I act like that because two can play that game. So until they grow up , that's when I will take them serious & get off my bitch mode.

aww <3

Butterflies in your tummy are so undeniable, its like you know when u have them and when they just aren't going away. I haven't had butterflies in my tummy since like senior year in High School, LOL. && I'm 22 ...so YES that was pretty damn long ago. No one has been able to move me in that way yet, Ive met guys that I've liked ....but it was never that nervous sweaty palm feeling , OMG what am I going to wear ...I love coming home and smelling like him type of feeling. But ooh man do I miss that feeling SO damn much. I think thats got to be one of the most amazing feelings ever , because you start feeling like a little kid again. When your dialing his number and your heart starts racing when you hear the ringing...and then when he picks up you smile right away. Better yet , when you think about what your going to say and write down things you can speak to him about before you make the call so it doesn't get all awkward, LMAO. THAT'S how I know I really like someone. I haven't done any of those shenanigans in yearsss. I want to though ... I'm scared to fall in love , but at the same time id love to experience it again with the right person that is. My time will come again I'm sure of that. Ill patiently wait though :)

random blogging.

saw this on ♥lipgloss86 page.... so since im bored might as well ---

Mood: pretty darn good -- i love this weather && im content :)
First words out of my mouth this morning: I dont wanna wake uppp yet.
What I’m looking forward to this week: the weekend ! <3
One thing I’d like to improve about myself: enjoying life more , being less cautious about stuff && people.
On my makeup lust list: so much - but more so HK MAC ; i want it all.
Last dream I can remember: oh em gee -- i woke up today shocked. my parents were back together and they were getting ready to shower together?? wtfff ? lol. && then it changed to me going to my ex boyfriends house ( which btw he lived in a mansion now lmao ) and i knocked on his door , and when i saw a girl inside from the window i ran .....really? lmao.
Cheeks and lips: covergirl pretty in pink blush && lips are shinylicious mabyeline strawberry tart.
Outfit: white tee/ black vest/ skinny jeans/black boots.
Fragrance: glow by jlo
Weekly goals: to just be happy && have fun ...&& get some studying done during that lol, ACE my exam tommorow like ive been doing lately :) so proud.


OMG so my brother just told me that he seen the weather channel and in NYC its going to be lovellllly this weekend --- in the high 70s to 80s .....im so hyped about that !

lets go mets !

Im here in my room , watching the Mets game while eating my pizza hut. Damn I'm a fat ass! LOL. But then I remembered I went to a Mets game on Thursday && have not posted up any pictures or wrote about it . REALLY, it was amazing. I love going to Mets games because the fans are just insane. LOL. But the new stadium is bomb, like really the whole stadium looks so different, so new. It has so many new things ..and yes things have gotten pretttty expensive but all in all the experience was worth it. I enjoyed it even if the Mets did not win. It was so close though, they ended up hitting a home run at the bottom of the 8th..which made the score 6 to 5 ...We were all anticipating another home run right at the bottom of the 9th for them to win the game, but sadly it didn't go down that way. LOL. I am deff going back though for sure. The day after my birthday ( May 30th ) they have " Take HER out to the ballgame " So I will be all up in there, plus on July 1st I think it is they have Build a Bear day ....every first 20,000 fans gets a free build a bear .....SO I'm in there. Here are some pictures & vids :) Enjoy.

tagged; check if i tagged you !

I was tagged by MiSs RiNNiE to do this survey, thankyou hun :) Enjoy && check at the bottom if you have been tagged :)



What is your current obsession?
magazines -- i am a subscriber to nylon , teen vogue, cosmo girl, cosmopolitan, elle, allure, seventeen, us weekly, && marie claire . =X lol.

What is your weirdest obsession?
hmm -- hello kitty stuff , i guess since im about to be 22 soon lol

What are you wearing today?
right now im wearing and H&M plaid shirt ; skinny jeans, flats.

What’s for dinner today?
pizza hut , cus our mom promised from last week lmao.

What would make today special?
today is special, every day is because God let me live it :)

What would you like to learn to do?
make my own clothes, i would deff have to agree with you miss rinnie !

What’s the last thing you bought?
yesterday -- i bought the US weekly && banana milkshake

What are you listening to right now?
Exxxes - Joe Budden

What is your favourite weather?
I like spring -- when its like 70-80 outside. But summer is gunna be bomb this year i cannot wait :)

What is your most challenging goal right now?
uhmm -- stick to one job. lol. i change my jobs every two months or so. =/

What do you think about the person who tagged you?
shes cool -- i love her blogs :) there very unique.

If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you like it to be?
i love NY way too much , so id have to say a nice quiet place up in Long Island , or Conneticuit

What would you like to have in your hands right now?
a zillion dollars, lol.

What would you like to get rid of?
all negativity && violence in the world

If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?
Florida to see my family <3

Which language do you want to learn?
Italian ...which im currently working on right now.

What do you look for in a friend?
loyalty && someone really trustworthy that doesnt sugar coat shit , i need some one real -- thats a hard thing to find.

Who do you want to meet in person?
Jessica Alba && Ed Westwick, yumm. LOL

What’s your favourite type of music?
I listen to it alllll , but my MOST favorite would have to be r&b

What is your favourite piece of clothing you own?
thats tough -- id have to say my VS sweats & hoodies ... there just so damn comfy.

What is your dream job?
A Elementary School Teacher/ Sunday School teacher/ Well Known Author.

Any favourite models?
Nope ... I really never been into the whole model thing , I dont know much names lol or keep up with it .

If you had £100 now what would you spend it on?
clothes,shoes,bags --- even tho i know it shud be spent on more important things i cant help it =X

Favourite designer?
Betsy Johnson

Fashion pet peeve?
bell bottom pants --- there not cute to me any more, at all. eww. lol.

Do you admire anyone’s style?
i love how lauren conrad; jessica alba; rihanna; and leighton meester dress.

Describe your personal style
I think im pretty casual , for regular days . but id rather be in heels/pumps then in flats or sneakers. I also lovvvvve chunky jewlery if its big earrings , big rings, a lot of necklaces. im verrry girly i guess.

Okay, here's the rules:

1. Respond and rework: answer the questions on your blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own invention, add one more question of your own.

2. Tag eight other people.

ok sooo I tag ---


1.Maggie uson from Honey Bunny
2.Stephie J from There are other people out there who feel as we do, live as we do, love as we do.
3.Rai from La.Morena
4.tiff from BighairBiggerlashes
5.Caro Babyy from YO!Caroline
6.Little Miss Knobody from Music. Love. Heartaches & Headaches.
7.MiiNd 0f --->Fř£Sh pŘîNÇëSš™
8.MAi from SiMPLYxMAi

Movie Night.

Today I had Movie Night with my family ....We watched Click. One of my favorite movies ever. Seriously it makes me laugh and cry at the same time no matter how many times I see it. The movie really makes you think, and analyze your life a lot. Makes you realize that we give too much time for things that don't really make us happy, we put effort in less important things without realizing it can ruin better things we care for more. This movie is a real eye opener , I just hope more people would watch it and see the impact the love for money can do and really hurt your life. I am a " get money " person ..i love money && yes you cant live without it ....but there is SO much more to life. I know a lotttttt of people that think money will fix everything in there lives and that's there main priority, and they drop people if they are getting in the way of it all. It sucks ..because I know those people wont be happy at the end of there days. But people learn from experience..and that is what the movie shows. If you have not watched it yet, I suggest you do. Adam Sandler is amazing in this movie && secretly I have a crush on Kate Beckinsale LOL.

Mami Alba <3

I have LOVED Jessica Alba , ever since her Dark Angel days ...I love everything about her. Not only is she beautiful but her aura and personality are just so beautiful. Shes very genuine in all her interviews, and just seems like a very chill person. Plus her style is great too. She is my most favorite , no one has yet to top her. Loved her in Sin City, Good luck Chuck, Fantastic Four, Into the Blue, and The Love Guru was pretty cute too; LOL. But this picture touched me a lot. Shes such a mother figure, and you can tell shes enjoying every minute of being a mommy. Baby Honor Marie is adorable too ! I'm so happy for her :)

the world is your garden...

I'm disapointed in myself. Seriouuuusly , have I been on drugs? LOL. No more sappy sad shit -- I don't know how or why it got to that point again. I don't even want to be with my ex but for some reason I was going back to being needy for his attention and affection. IDK ; maybe it was because I started feeling lonely. EWW; I'm done with all that though I promise ! LOL. I didnt cry last night ... I prayed and thanked God for the strength he gives me daily. I got a email today too that had me thinking ! I receive rev runs words of wisdom every morning; this was today's ---

the world is your garden; your will is the gardner. make your life beautiful !
<33

It's so true ...we have the decision to make our life beautiful or to keep ourselves from being happy. So no more complaining and bitching :)

love hurts.

My life right now is smooth sailing ...seriously everything is on the right path. I'm doing soooo good in school, like the little nerd I am. Plus I'm enjoying it, I cannot wait to be a teacher. Ive been writing A LOT lately....for people that know me my first dream was to become a well known author by the age of 40 LOL. I stopped writing for a while; cus I didn't have any inspiration. So much to the point that I changed my major to Early Childhood Education. I don't regret it because working with kids is something I want to do for a while. But now that I'm back into my writing I can work on getting things out there , and trying to get published. Well see how all that goes. The relationship with my parents have always been good , but right now its solid strong..and I love that I no longer have to feel the need to lie to my parents about anything , or hide shit from them. My mom & dad are really amazing parents, so I'm grateful. Ive been asking God for another sibling for a while now -- and in September my little angel will be coming into this world. We just found out it's a boy :) I really cannot wait. Then there's my brother now ...I spend most of my free time with him like I've been wanting to ; and I'm helping him get a long with life when it comes to school and all that. Me and my brother have always had a close bond , so there has never been issues there. I'm just happy he is now healthy and safe. My life seems pretty good now....

At least it sounds like I should be happy right ? But for some reason every night as I'm praying I cry my eyes out. I start and when I do I cant seem to stop myself. I pray for hours ....every night, because I know no matter what I say God wont judge me; and hes the only one I know wont judge me or get tired of hearing the same thing over and over again. When I'm done praying I lay in bed and think of memories me & the ex had before ...and the tears come again. Its been like this for five days straight ....and I have yet to tell a soul. I'm hurting so much inside, but I cover it so damn well. I miss the shit out of him ..and I hate it. I have everything I wanted in life , but him. I feel empty inside and lonely....and sure I can have other dudes; but I don't like any of them enough to spend time on them. Im forced to move on though; and with Gods help I will become strong again.

whats in your bag ?

So I saw that La.Morena made one about what is in her makeup purse. So I decided to do that but just extra. LOL.

I got this bag as a gift from my grandma. Its from Prima Donna ; She knows my addiction for big bags :) !



Then heres my Hello Kitty Makeup Bag. I bought on Ebay a while ago, Shipped out from China. It cost me $8.00 plus Free Shipping. It fits a lot , so I love it !




Here is whats inside ....





1.Elf Contouring Blush & Bronzing Powder
2.Eyeko Face Off Cleansing Wipes
3.Juicy Couture Mini Lotion ( i LOVE the smell ! )
4.Neutrogena 3 in 1 Concealer for eyes
5.Eyeko Creamy Cupcake LipGloss ( the best ever )
6.Visine Eye Drops
7.VS Dream Angels : Halo Purse Spray (im addicted to it)
8.Sample of Paris Hilton Perfume
9.Mint Chapstick
10.Elf Pink Kiss LipGloss
11.Maybelline Shiny Licious Strawberry Tart
12.Cover Girl LashBlast - Very Black


&& the rest of the things in my bag -->





1.Mini First Aid Kit - with my HelloKitty Bandaids :)LOL.
2.Planet Spa Lotion
3.Extra Fruit Gum
4.Hello Kitty - Cash & CC Wallet
5.Hello Kitty - Change && Randoms Wallet
6.20009 Planner
7.Colombian Coffee Candies
8.Pens/Highlighter/Sharpie
9.A Young Woman After Gods own Heart : The Devotional



1.H&M Sunglasses
2.Hello Kitty Nail Filer
3.Judy Blume - Forever. * Best Book EVER.
4. My Addiction * Zebra Print Blackberry Curve
5. Airborne Orange Zest (Good Stuff !)
6. My mini Tote Cheetah Umbrella


My Wallets =X LOL. Just the regular cards -- library card; college ID; health insurance card; duane read dollar rewards haha; && the NYC/Lifestyle condoms - dont judge me ! =) ALL HONESTLY --- I dont even have sex. I just have them there for "emergencies"..and cus throwing away condoms should be illegal ! LOL. && YES those are all movie stubs -- I have so much more though thrown in memory boxes !





Hope you all enjoyed ; God Bless :)
FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER :) -- TWITTER.COM/SIMPLLYGORJESS

better in time.

Ive been loving the same man , for five years. He was my high school sweetheart , my first love, my first real relationship. We were only together for about a year ; but we stayed " friends " for the rest of the years . We both could not part from each other. We would both say we were done , and just end up coming right back to each other. We've tried the whole "friends" thing a few times ...but it was the toughest thing ever , because the connection we had when we were around each other was so immense.

Do I still love him ? YES. in love? I wish I still was. But day after day it gets harder to be in love with a man that bumped you down on his list of things that are important to him. He has fucked up ...many times. There is a piece of me that believes he does not deserve me , due to all the tears and pain he has put me through. I make things to easy for him, though I love him I know I have to give it time; space. If in the end its real, and its really LOVE ...then he will make that effort ...he will go out of his way...HE will chase ME. I cant keep making it easy for him ...and I have finally realized that.

In order to see if its really something real ; I have to see how far he will go. Because heck; I have definitely put in work for the past years ...going OVERBOARD to win him back for shit I've done.

Now its time to see how much he'll do to win my love back.
Am I worth it to him ? Time will tell....


NEWAY ___ follow me on twitter : twitter.com/simpllygorjess

guard your heart.

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. ~Proverbs 4:23~

Our heart is precious beyond words... it is the wellspring of life where all things comes from.. good, bad and the in betweens..

A heart filled with love forgives a multitude of sins...

A heart that is joyful is always greateful for everything that comes its way...

A heart of peace is able to rest and sleep well at night...

A heart that is pure and gentle always speaks words of truth and encouragement...

A heart that is filled with goodness always give others another chance..

A heart that is faithful always finds the fruit of his labor sweet...

A heart that is kind is always thoughful and understanding...

A heart that is patient is always filled with hope and opportunities..

A heart with self-control is always determined, firm and wise...

So why harden your hearts? Don't harden it... rather- protect it.. guard it well and you shall live life differently...

Jesus loves you.... never doubt that.

vacation time !

Shit has been hectic lately , and I have a lot going through my head. I have been spending most of my days praying and talking to God . Also reading devotionals && writing in my journal. Im thinking about taking a mini vacation so I can relax and just let myself breathe. Somewhere in which I can cut out the world & just sit and relax ! I think I know where im going; just need to speak to my parents to make it happen. NYC is just to chaotic for me right now; so hopefully all works out and im out of here by this weekend ! :)

Ima go now to shower && maybe pilates or something ! Everyone take care and God bless !
Hope everyone had a great Easter !

If you have twitter -- follow me :
twitter.com/simpllygorjess.

drunken night.

I have to vent about last night. Im here ...feeling like shit ! I should have never drank that much ; ugh. But yeah we went out for my best friends 21st birthday to PLAY lounge && everyone got twisted ; took some blowjob shots LOL. It was fun...the only problem for me was ... I had three of my exs there. Not a good feeling ; I felt like I was being watched ...Im cool with all three of them dont get me wrong we ended shit on good terms. I have no feelings at all for any three either, and never will cus I just know there no good for me , the past is the past you know? But they on the other hand want to fix shit. Well one of them is a go hard && is real jealous ...so supposedly he says he bought me a drink & I then ended up leaving him. So hes upset with me and is ignoring me now ? Its whatever to me cus honestly get over it , your my friend now. Then theres my other ex Steven that wants to fix shit and he was trying to kiss me and dance with me the whole night , but I kept telling him to stop cus its just not working. Then my other ex was cool the whole night ; till we left the spot && he blew up my phone to meet up with him cus he wanted to speak to me about shit. ( this is the ex that asked me to marry him three years ago ). It was insane , because to top it off Brooklyn boy ( some guy I was interested in ) came by with his friend ...but once I heard him say he was interested in my friend Janice I let it be. I mean it sucks but what can you do? not everyone can like you. Plus hes a great guy and I know my friends deserve someone as good as him, so ill get over it and be cupid for them. By the end of the night I was gone , to the point where I couldnt even stand up straight without tripping . Everyone was like holding me up. But Steven more so was trying to care for me. He has always been the guy that has taken care of me when I go out . He was always the one to come pick me up from clubs when he knew I was out of it; because he wanted me to get home safe. So I felt safe with him which I guess is why I leaned more towards him when I found out brooklyn boy was not interested in me. I would never ever get back with Steven though ; lol for so many reasons. But yeah that was my insane night ....Saturday were going out again with the same group of people ; excluding the EX's so maybe that will soothe me to not drink as much as I did yesterday. LOL. Sooo I guess we will see how that one goes. The way im feeling right now though ; alcohol will not be in my hand for a WHILLLE.

hi lovelys.

Nothing has been going on ....just been hanging in there ...doing a lot of shopping lately =X when I should be saving up. Started up my semester for Child Daycare :)

UGH; I hate when people call Private. I never pickup. I keep on receiving them ; hmm. Oh well.

I'll leave yall with a quote :

"Work like you don’t need money,
Love like you’ve never been hurt,
And dance like no one’s watching."

Follow me on Twitter !!! - simpllygorjess.

Day Five.

So ..Day 5 of Liberation ; and I'm feeling freaking great ! Haven t felt like this in a while honestly. Like it really feels like a breathe of fresh air , to not give a flying fuck. To not feel all down & sad ..or confused. I feel better off.. like nothing is holding me back anymore. Before I used to care even a little about how he was doing && if he was okay ...Now I can care less. I cant even say its because I'm with someone, or I'm speaking to someone...cus I'm not. But best believe ill be finding me a cute boy toy asap. LMAO. Its about damn time that I do me, and have fun. Find me someone worth my time. This weekend coming its Girls Night in full effect. Its my Biffles 21st Birthday ...SO were going all out , starting it off on Wednesday @ Dave & Busters; Thursday at Play Lounge, Friday is Six Flags depending on the weather, then Saturday were going for Dinner at Sea in Brooklyn and off to a lounge in the city. We invited like the whole world to come on Thursday though , its going to be an interesting night...surprising to see who shows up =X Lol. Things are definitely going to go down that night in many ways ...stories for days; and I don't know if that's even a good thing; haha.

OHHH & I have a date on Monday ...So I will definitely post on that one ! <3
Once again PLEASE recommend any books you guys have read & enjoyed :)

Quick Update.

Thanks to La.Morena ... I have been finding amazing things online. Due to my package addiction; I find any reason to buy something online. Anticipation && things coming Unexpectedly is my favorite thing. LOL. So I ordered last night from Everyday Minerals .. the samples of five , plus I seen the brushes and they looked pretty great so I ordered two ... a concealer brush and a blush brush. I also went on to Eyeko and got the cupcake lip jar ...i love anything that smells like cupcakes , or vanilla ..ahh its amazing. Plus I got the pastel polish. I really wished they had all the other colors but they were sold out. You best believe though when they get some on there I will be stocking up on them. I signed up to be an ambassador also, since it was free of charge ..ehh why not? LOL. Free gifts are always cool ; plus let more people in on the website.

Fresh Princess; had told me a few books she enjoyed. I went on to eBay and found the green mile book for three dollars; free shipping. So I ordered it , cus I did love the movie && if she is saying its even better than the movie .. then wow; I cannot wait to read it.

I am on day two of my "liberation" ( read my "growing some balls" post ). And I have no urges at all to contact him. USUALLY; I would to be honest. But I'm so upset still that I don't give a flying fudge. I cant wait till I can say its been a month that I have not spoken to him. AHHH now that will be liberating to the max. Ill keep you all updated though <3 Thanks to everyone that give me such great words & pieces of encouragement.

New month ; New beginnings.

First off - Sorry for my rant last night ; haha. But Thank you to the girls that heard me out & took the time to comment me on it :)

Secondly -- I heard in NY its going to be raining like for days straight & if you know me you know I LOVE when it rains. LOL. it sounds so emo I know .. but seriously it just soothes me ..makes me light up my candles & cozy up with myself in bed and watch movies while I stuff my face with junkfood. Thats my kinda night/day. LOL.

So I have been taking forever to read this book " Are you there Vodka? Its me Chelsea " Not because its a bad book ; its freaking AMAZING. But I rarely have the time ..So im set off to finish by the end of this week ( well; sunday that is ). Cus I ordered so many other great books that I want to start. If any of you are reading or have read books you think are good && have impacted you or made you really analyze things let me know which one it is ; I love to read and in the process of redecorating my room Im putting a wall shelf to put all my books since I just have em stacked up everywhere. I wanted to make one going around my whole room , but it wouldnt work too well. LOL. so please let me know so I can go crazy next time at Barnes and Noble :)

Also; Ive been writing letters a lot lately ..technology has gotten insane; and I do believe its taken over peoples lives a lot; but of course I would never go a day without the internet or my phone. LMAO. But I wanted to start writing and sending people out letters/packages again. I know how I get when I see something in the mail for me; or when UPS knocks on my door ...its the best feeling ever ! lol so I know a lot more people enjoy it too ! So if anyone needs a pen pal; just let me know :) you can email me at jsalazar529@tmo.blackberry.net * yup I have a blackberry; or should I say CRACKberry. :)

Now for my question of the day : ( * If this one interest you go back I think two post down & my first ones there )

Question : If you could have the chance to meet someone you can have the most satisfying love imaginable- the stuff of dreams. Sadly you know that in six months the person will die. Knowing the pain that would follow; would you still want to meet them and fall in love ?

I said YES; why? Cus Im a hopeless romantic; and love is amazing...something I dont think you can find easily. So if I can be happy for six months I would cherish every bit of it.

What would you do though ??

growing some balls!

I'm done ; I'm over it for real this time. I have been nothing but nice to this damn kid for five years of utter pain && disrespect. No matter what he does or says I have stayed and supported his ass, now its done .. I'm done being the "nice girl" the "bigger person". I'm cutting him off , completely from my life ..no Hi's no nothing.

I haven't loved him already for about a year .. yet Ive been fighting for a FRIENDSHIP with him ..wtf? why? Hes quick to call me a bitch a groupie a slut ....ETC. DO I REALLY want to be friends with someone like that? I must have been on drugs this whole time. He puts me down like NO ONE has ever put me down , he has made me cry more than any guy has EVER made me cry in my life ...thats SERIOUS.

I was being really stupid before thinking I was going to gain something out of still being around for him and being "caring" but shits not fair when your being taken for granted, and he sees it as weakness. No more phone calls , IMs, texting, emails, nothing at all. I blocked him from absolutely everything.

I would change my number , but fuck that ..give him that much importance. NOPE. Let him call and apologize or w.e the fuck he wants ..and let him see for himself that I will not answer to anything at all.

_" I'm gone- I'm not phased; Ill walk these roads with grace & ill wave at you behind me with a new smile on my face. I'm walking in new shoes now, I got a new song to sing. When I walk in the room every head turns ..every eye is on me. TOO bad your not here to see it; but by the time you get this ill be so long gone && far -- ill send you a postcard :) You seen a ghost? this is not your lady -- this is the chick that YOU held back. All of the things you said was crazy ..I checked off my list && i feel good about it . I got that new hair cut ; the one you said wouldn't look no good ; took that job you said I could not get ; wore that dress you said id never fit in -- cus your gone && I'm great ; I got rid of your dead weight !"_