2.28.2010

A Hard Week.

This may be the most personal I get on my page. Just because I need to vent somehow & I know I have amazing readers. This week has been real tough on me. I have gotten very sick ;a feeling weakness has taken over my body. I feel like im being weighed down. I have no energy to do absolutely anything. I have been going to work because I have to ; so I wear a smile for the hours I am there. Other than that I have no interest in anything else. I just feel so powerless; plus the fact that I look more and more sick by the day I start to feel so unattractive. I have always been someone who has loved them self no matter my flaws ; but lately I cant even stare into a mirror. At times like these my mind wanders ; into thoughts of what will be when I leave this earth. How my after life will look; and who will I meet. I'm not scared of death; I used to be ...but I no longer am just because I know Heaven will be amazing. But I cant help but wonder how life will be without me ; will it affect others? and who would not care? I was suppose to go to church service today ; & I wish I did ...but this feeling just didnt lift me out of my bed. It hasn't for a few days now. My whole weekend has been confined in this little room. Im pushing people away ; left and right. People that dont deserve to be pushed away ...people that have been there since day one that I met them. But I guess I am just doing that because in my eyes that will make it easier. Its been hard for me to smile lately ; and I dont know why... I have so many reasons to smile. Its like im slowly falling back into depression .....and I dont even have a reason for it this time.

Im trying so hard to shake this off ; but how can I when I feel so weak?
* NO I am not suicidal guys ; so dont worry that much. I just feel veryyy out of it ...and very sick & tired.

I need all the support and help I cant get right now ...so Im thankful for all that have been putting up with me & taking care of me.

1 showing love:

Lady G. & Cynz said...

you listen here missy! you are loved you are appreciated you are valued and you are beautiful!! And most importantly God loves you and you are NOT forgotten. You remember that. In Jesus name every nation shall bow every tongue confess disease and sickness will BOW down no question about it. I pray healing over your mind body and soul in Jesus name, I rebuke any of Satans plans he has for you. You are a child of God you are a princess because your father is the KING OF ALL KINGS. You pick yourself up , there is a spiritual warefare going on Jessica and I refuse to let Satan take anymore people that I care about. I will not go down without a fight. As a Christian I am called to be there for my sister in christ. I am here for you. I've been there. It's never easy being constantly sick and having no control over it, you feel helpless, you feel ugly , you feel like its better off your alone in solitude. NOT TRUE those are all lies from the devil. Get ready for battle Jessica it is not going to be easy, Ephesians 6:13-18 READ IT GIRL!!! PSALMS 121 READ IT!!! Out loud pray out loud start rebuking the devil. Claim victory and healing in Jesus name right now. If you ask the Lord it shall be done. I love you. You are a blessing to me in my life. God allowed us to cross pathes for a reason Jessica, this was not an accident. You need a prayer partner I am here.