3.12.2010

In times of despair ....


For my Friends; Family; Ex Friends; Long lost acquaintances ....

When I start feeling weak & real sick - I get really paranoid. Right now I have a slight fever & cant sleep because my chest feels real tight & my heart beat is racing for no reason at all. This feeling sucks ; especially when it is one that constantly keeps me up at night. Guess that means its time for another doctor visit. I feel like I live in that darn place.

When I feel like this ; I admit I hit up a lot of people I haven't given much attention to ; just to see how they are - & if they are okay. I think about how things will be if God forbid it is my last time being able to text or call them. If its the last time I will hug my little brother. So I cherish it all , and appreciate every phone call more when I feel this way. But I dont want to do that just when I get paranoid. I want to do it on daily basis ; & I should. Because my days are not promised.

So this blog is to say - I may not speak to you all the time ; every week or so - but I think of you ; and I pray for you - & you all have a very special part in my heart.

What bothers me the most is not that I will die soon ; but what others will feel when I do pass. Im scared many will regret things they did not say or do ....or feel they cannot go on & that is something I do not want for anyone in my life...I want them to know they were all they could be ; and they were very much appreciated by me; even if they forgot about me for a little. That is what unconditional love is ♥


You have all impacted me ; inspired me ; && made me feel alive. So for that I thank you - I love you ALL :) Goodnight !

1 showing love:

Lady G. & Cynz said...

ummm you made me cry #1. #2. i know that paranoid feeling as you know I get sick alot to. #3. nope our days are no promised. BUT.............I AM PRAYING FOR HEALING AND VICTORY JESSICA. And that is what you need to do profess your victory in Jesus Christ because you covered under his precious blood. You need to come to church with me girl. And you need to pray believing and trusting the Lord is going to deliver you from this ordeal. I love you and thank God for allowing us to cross pathes. You are such a pure spirit and joy to be around. Even if I dont show much especially at work cuz you allready know how i get crazy there and im always all over the place. Just know I do love you and pray and think of you. Your an amazing women and you have done so many wonderful things since youve started working with us. "JESS IS ON POINT!!!!" Thats what we say cuz girl you are, the kids love you I see all the amazing and creative ideas and activities you do with the children, its amazing. This is your God given destiny to impact and inspire young children but also the people around you. LOVE YOU JESS :)